April 30th, 2010
admin
From what we’ve heard, from our roach brothers who hang around supermarkets (won’t say which because we know you can be squeamish about our presence), an awful lot of you seem surprised to find yourself shopping. By that, I mean at least half of you show up without any sort of container to bring back the things you buy. Luckily, the stores seem perfectly happy to give you one or more of their paper or plastic bags—as long as you deal with getting rid of it when you’re through with it a few minutes later.
Just remember that it’s as easy to throw two bags into the garbage, as it is one—so tell them to double-bag it! Unbelievably, there’s no additional cost.
But, if you’re tempted to bring your own cloth bag when you shop—well, you’re one of those then, aren’t you?
Posted in Cockroach Corner
April 20th, 2010
mhduncan
Humans, the key to solving your financial crisis is for you to increase your debt. It’s obvious that if you borrow far enough into the future—say your grandchildren’s children—you’ll avoid ever having to pay the debt back. Such a great influx of money to stimulate your economy with new car purchases, and over consumption, would assure destruction of the earth long before your mythical future offspring could ever be born to their miserable ancestral debt.
But, consider that even if the poor bastards beat the odds and end up being born to eke out some sort of existence on the smoldering dirt you’ve left them—the chances are low that debt, as a concept, will matter at all anymore. No banker is going to attempt to repossess from a man gnawing on the roasted leg of a slightly under-seasoned CEO.
Posted in Cockroach Corner, Future News
January 5th, 2010
mhduncan
From the Cockroach Point of View
We cockroaches just want to praise you humans for the environmental options you’ve created, to cheer you on your way out (and warn you off doing the sort of things that might prolong your species on earth).
We (speaking for all/most arthropods) haven’t figured out why you’re killing off your species (along with many vertebrates) but why look a gift mammal in the mouth? We’ll assume with brains as massive and advanced as yours, you have a good enough reason. [Ed.: I hope that last bit doesn't read as obvious pandering or gratuitous flattery.]
So, as you appear quite tired of life on Earth, please use our contributions to help in any way we can. Or, ignore it all as you have been. Either option provides an equal path to our succession!
Posted in Cockroach Corner
